Post by T. Wedd on Jul 8, 2003 4:00:55 GMT -5
How to *beat* drug tests
Obviously, your best bet is to be drug free at the time of the test.
I would recommend two months of drug abstinence before the drug test.
Drug retention periods are as follows:
Compound Approx. Retention
Amphetamines 20-25 days
Barbituates 10-14 days
Cocaine 2-4 days
Ethyl Alcohol 1-2 days
LSD 20-40 days
Marijuana 14-30 days
Methaqualone 14-21 days
Opiates 10-14 days
Phenocyclidine (PCP) 10-14 days
Note: Length of retention varies because of many factors, including body
weight, metabolism, body fat ratio, and the quantity and concentration
of the drug.
Given the above information, you may find yourself in need of a way to
beat drug testing other than 2 months of abstinence. First off, water
is your best friend. Drink a LOT of it. Secondly, purge your system.
Urinate as often as you can before the actual test. The first urine
of the day contains the highest concentration of contaminant particles.
Some people can't "go" with someone watching. The testers, to speed up
excretion, might encourage you to drink as much water as you can. DO IT!
Thirdly, adjust your sleep cycle. Getting up earlier will let you squeeze
in more trips to the bathroom before the test. If necessary, stay up all
night and drink water. Fourthly, use your glands. A good sauna flushes
out impurities through sweat. THC and other metabolites are retained
in fatty tissues. Any exercise to reduce body fat may help you beat
the test.
Intense watering does not hide the presence of any illicit substance.
You are aiming to dilute all traces to a level below the cutoff point
needed for a positive result. This is mandatory, elementary defense.
The Consent Form:
To protect themselves from lawsuits, testers will ask you to sign a
urinalysis consent form. It will ask you to list the drugs you've taken
in the past week. Cross out the word "week" and write in "month." If
the supervisor screams at you, just tell him you read an article that
said an over-the-counter drug you took for the flu three weeks ago could
show up. Now for the drugs. For almost every illegal drug there is an
OTC drug that tests positive. Here is a list of cross-reacting drugs that
you should list on the consent form:
Drug/Metabolite Cross-Reactive
Amphetetamine OTC cold medicines, such as Nyquil,
Vicks Nasal Spray, Sudafed, Neosynephren, etc.
Barbiturate Rarely prescribed compounds... you're hosed
Cannaboids Ibuprofen (Advil, Nuprin, Motrin, Mydol)
Cocaine Amoxicillin (unconfirmed)
Methaqualone None reported to date
Morphine Codeine (in any prescription form)
Poppy seeds
Doxylamine OTC antihistamines and sleeping pills
Phencyclidine (PCP) Dextromethororphan (found in some
prescription cough medicines)
Diazepam (Valium)
LSD None reported to date
The Testing Procedure:
Learn what test is being used. There are three that are quite
common. The EMIT, Abuscreen (RIA), and ToxiLab (TLC). If you find out
that
they are doing Gas-Chromatography/Mass-Spectrometry (GC/MS), then you
are totally screwed. The GC/MS is the chemical equivalent of finding
a needle in a haystack. It finds EVERYTHING and is IMPOSSIBLE to cheat
on. Fortunately, GC/MS is VERY expensive, and it is only used for
confirmation tests. Don't worry about it.
The EMIT test does NOT scan for LSD, RIA does. If you use ethyl
alcohol or barbituates, RIA does not scan for them, but EMIT does.
Also, nothing currently scans for Ecstasy, Psylocybin, mescaline,
or nicotine.
If you are in the military, you are going to be tested with RIA.
The majority of federal agencies screen with EMIT. Private sector
companies split between EMIT and TLC. No problem.... all are about
equally beatable.
Slight of Hand:
Something like 5% of the public finds it impossible to urinate with
somebody nearby. More find it difficult to void under direct observation.
It's a documented medical condition, known as "blushing kidneys."
Although a minority are afflicted, who is to say you're not one of them?
A doctor's note or plaintive insistence of "Please, I can't do it if you're
watching" will do wonders for insuring privacy.
Be creative when you're in the bathroom. Use your body to disrupt
line-of-sight observance. Hand placement can conceal a lot of activity,
but block with anything else that's available. Males might say they only
urinate sitting down. Like a good magician, distract the observer. Ask
them to run the faucet; say that the sound of running water coaxes your
own activity. Practice, practice, practice!
Observers, though they may not show it, are embarrassed as you are.
The longer you take to urinate, the longer the line behind you grows.
Apply enough pressure and they'll give you the latitude you need to
perform your little alchemy.
Why all the contortion? Because you want to make some subtle
substitutions, replacing your urine with clean stuff.
Warm and Dry:
Assume a temperature reading will be taken from the specimen. Don't
swap an ice-cold brew for tepid pee. The standard temperature that
they're looking for is between 90.5 and 99.8 degrees Fahrenheit.
Getting pure urine is the first step to making an effective
substitution. Know your source. A relative, a minister, an infant,
anyone that can be counted on for "clean" urine should be tapped.
The sample should be as fresh as possible. If you need to keep it a few
days before the switcheroo, stick it in the refrigerator. After a two
month period of drug abstinence, you can make your own samples galore
and freeze them indefinitely in plastic baggies until needed.
WARNING!! Do not substitute animal urine, or make urine from food
coloring and water. They are easily detected.
Houdini in the Washroom:
The substitute urine is clean and warm. Now you need a device to
get it into the bathroom. At a pharmacy, purchase a Bard Dispoz-a-Bag
Drainage Bag or other similar product made for temporary use by
ambulant patients. Cost, under $4.00. They come in different sizes.
In our trials, the large leg bag worked best because the extra volume
and shape allowed for a flatter distribution along the midsection where
you'll be wearing it. It has a short tube and cap, but you can add a short
piece of rubber tubing and a valve for easy filling.
Obviously, your best bet is to be drug free at the time of the test.
I would recommend two months of drug abstinence before the drug test.
Drug retention periods are as follows:
Compound Approx. Retention
Amphetamines 20-25 days
Barbituates 10-14 days
Cocaine 2-4 days
Ethyl Alcohol 1-2 days
LSD 20-40 days
Marijuana 14-30 days
Methaqualone 14-21 days
Opiates 10-14 days
Phenocyclidine (PCP) 10-14 days
Note: Length of retention varies because of many factors, including body
weight, metabolism, body fat ratio, and the quantity and concentration
of the drug.
Given the above information, you may find yourself in need of a way to
beat drug testing other than 2 months of abstinence. First off, water
is your best friend. Drink a LOT of it. Secondly, purge your system.
Urinate as often as you can before the actual test. The first urine
of the day contains the highest concentration of contaminant particles.
Some people can't "go" with someone watching. The testers, to speed up
excretion, might encourage you to drink as much water as you can. DO IT!
Thirdly, adjust your sleep cycle. Getting up earlier will let you squeeze
in more trips to the bathroom before the test. If necessary, stay up all
night and drink water. Fourthly, use your glands. A good sauna flushes
out impurities through sweat. THC and other metabolites are retained
in fatty tissues. Any exercise to reduce body fat may help you beat
the test.
Intense watering does not hide the presence of any illicit substance.
You are aiming to dilute all traces to a level below the cutoff point
needed for a positive result. This is mandatory, elementary defense.
The Consent Form:
To protect themselves from lawsuits, testers will ask you to sign a
urinalysis consent form. It will ask you to list the drugs you've taken
in the past week. Cross out the word "week" and write in "month." If
the supervisor screams at you, just tell him you read an article that
said an over-the-counter drug you took for the flu three weeks ago could
show up. Now for the drugs. For almost every illegal drug there is an
OTC drug that tests positive. Here is a list of cross-reacting drugs that
you should list on the consent form:
Drug/Metabolite Cross-Reactive
Amphetetamine OTC cold medicines, such as Nyquil,
Vicks Nasal Spray, Sudafed, Neosynephren, etc.
Barbiturate Rarely prescribed compounds... you're hosed
Cannaboids Ibuprofen (Advil, Nuprin, Motrin, Mydol)
Cocaine Amoxicillin (unconfirmed)
Methaqualone None reported to date
Morphine Codeine (in any prescription form)
Poppy seeds
Doxylamine OTC antihistamines and sleeping pills
Phencyclidine (PCP) Dextromethororphan (found in some
prescription cough medicines)
Diazepam (Valium)
LSD None reported to date
The Testing Procedure:
Learn what test is being used. There are three that are quite
common. The EMIT, Abuscreen (RIA), and ToxiLab (TLC). If you find out
that
they are doing Gas-Chromatography/Mass-Spectrometry (GC/MS), then you
are totally screwed. The GC/MS is the chemical equivalent of finding
a needle in a haystack. It finds EVERYTHING and is IMPOSSIBLE to cheat
on. Fortunately, GC/MS is VERY expensive, and it is only used for
confirmation tests. Don't worry about it.
The EMIT test does NOT scan for LSD, RIA does. If you use ethyl
alcohol or barbituates, RIA does not scan for them, but EMIT does.
Also, nothing currently scans for Ecstasy, Psylocybin, mescaline,
or nicotine.
If you are in the military, you are going to be tested with RIA.
The majority of federal agencies screen with EMIT. Private sector
companies split between EMIT and TLC. No problem.... all are about
equally beatable.
Slight of Hand:
Something like 5% of the public finds it impossible to urinate with
somebody nearby. More find it difficult to void under direct observation.
It's a documented medical condition, known as "blushing kidneys."
Although a minority are afflicted, who is to say you're not one of them?
A doctor's note or plaintive insistence of "Please, I can't do it if you're
watching" will do wonders for insuring privacy.
Be creative when you're in the bathroom. Use your body to disrupt
line-of-sight observance. Hand placement can conceal a lot of activity,
but block with anything else that's available. Males might say they only
urinate sitting down. Like a good magician, distract the observer. Ask
them to run the faucet; say that the sound of running water coaxes your
own activity. Practice, practice, practice!
Observers, though they may not show it, are embarrassed as you are.
The longer you take to urinate, the longer the line behind you grows.
Apply enough pressure and they'll give you the latitude you need to
perform your little alchemy.
Why all the contortion? Because you want to make some subtle
substitutions, replacing your urine with clean stuff.
Warm and Dry:
Assume a temperature reading will be taken from the specimen. Don't
swap an ice-cold brew for tepid pee. The standard temperature that
they're looking for is between 90.5 and 99.8 degrees Fahrenheit.
Getting pure urine is the first step to making an effective
substitution. Know your source. A relative, a minister, an infant,
anyone that can be counted on for "clean" urine should be tapped.
The sample should be as fresh as possible. If you need to keep it a few
days before the switcheroo, stick it in the refrigerator. After a two
month period of drug abstinence, you can make your own samples galore
and freeze them indefinitely in plastic baggies until needed.
WARNING!! Do not substitute animal urine, or make urine from food
coloring and water. They are easily detected.
Houdini in the Washroom:
The substitute urine is clean and warm. Now you need a device to
get it into the bathroom. At a pharmacy, purchase a Bard Dispoz-a-Bag
Drainage Bag or other similar product made for temporary use by
ambulant patients. Cost, under $4.00. They come in different sizes.
In our trials, the large leg bag worked best because the extra volume
and shape allowed for a flatter distribution along the midsection where
you'll be wearing it. It has a short tube and cap, but you can add a short
piece of rubber tubing and a valve for easy filling.